Home in the stars

Posted on Thu Dec 26th, 2024 @ 10:52pm by Remal Kajun & Captain Rhenora Kaylen

Mission: Character Development
Location: Bajor

The rest of their time passed peacefully in the quiet routine of a new family. There were walks on the beach, to the village, around the garden, in the forest, sometimes they weren't even sure where they were walking so long as Patina finally went to sleep. Stubborn like her mother she was.

It was a lazy morning when the house com station chirruped, indicating a waiting message. Rhenora was hesitant at first, feeling in her gut it could only mean that the ship was ready to leave. Two weeks had passed quickly and the third almost lightning fast in hindsight. As the old adage goes 'the days are long but the years are short'. She keyed the control panel and sat down to read.

It had seemed like they had forever on Bajor, the inner conflict resolved a week ago after they had rolled the idea of returning to the ship around. She felt guilty, putting her need to be in the stars and making a difference at the forefront, but Remal had laid those concerns to rest.

"They ship out in 2 days" she said simply, not quite bringing herself to use 'We' yet. She hadn't told Baldric they were returning yet. The young upstart would probably have a thing or two to say, as would Command.

"Hmm." He returned, deep in thought. "Are we ready to return?" It was more a question of her sanity than their comfort. Mother's needed their time with their young, to bond, and the stresses of life on a starship could be quite impeding of that bonding time.

For their sake, they had little baggage to pack, so two days meant simply, do what you want or need to do with your time before returning to work. Knowing Rhen the way he did, he knew she was apprehensive but ready to return today so as not to cause delay. You know, in case shit went sideways, per the norm.

"I'll be ready in two days. I'll call Command today and let them know we'll be back on board. Maybe I could take on an advisors role for a few months. Less time, but still involved" she mused. Physically and emotionally she knew she wasn't up to taking back the chair full time. And she wouldn't do that to their new family. "Commander Baldric should be pleased"

He flashed a half grin, "I'm not sure pleased would be the right word. My impression is that woman is after the Command chair as if it's a prize to be won. Still, I'll give Savar a ring, let them know we'll need a ride, and maybe warn him... never mind. Maybe it'd be more fun to see his unfazed reaction. I know I wouldn't want to miss us showing up, baby in hand, to reclaim your place on the bridge." He teased.

" That would indeed be funny. Although most of them know as they were present for Patin's memorial. I think they were giving us space, and time. I'm grateful for that" Rhen continued, sipping the coffee that Remal had made. It was bliss to be able to drink it whenever she felt like it again.

"So.. two days. Plans?"

"Hmm." He pondered. "Hadn't really thought about it. Most of what I have in mind would be difficult without a sitter." He caught her look, "I meant only that horse back with an infant isn't practical. Not whatever you were thinking." He shot her a look to show they shared the dirty nerdy thoughts. "The walks have been nice, and it's too cold to plant, so I'm open to ideas." He finished, despite already thinking about the greenhouse he was planning to build, eventually.

"I'm all for lazing about in front of the fire, who knows when we may get the opportunity to do it again." She kicked back and tucked her feet underneath her. "We should probably put a Security system in here..." her mind wandered into the deep corners that few were privy too. " I have the need to feel 'safe' again"

"Security huh? I think we can manage that." He looked around the room, inspecting the corners before coming to rest on Rhen. She had always been sure of herself and her surroundings. Obviously something had changed. He crossed the room to sit opposite her, where he could see her facial expressions clearly.

"Alright, out with it. And don't bullshit me with 'fine'." He looked at her to show her he was serious about counseling her in this moment. "You are withholding something back. I can feel it." They had been through a lot together over the years and never had he seen her quite so torn and uncertain.

She paused, trying first to name and then put verbal discord to the feelings running rampant in her body and brain. "Uncertainty, fear, vulnerability in myself and my decisions. Regret that I wasn't strong enough to take down the Pah' Wraith and end it once and for all. Pissed off at the Prophets for expecting me to. Frustration that the people of Bajor allowed such an underground dissident movement to grow to such a force without realizing it. I don't know, everything!" She threw her hands up in the air in frustration. Almost shaking with emotion she took a long breath to calm herself, realizing that this moment was probably long overdue.

"There is a lot to unpack there and unfortunately there is no easy way to suggest you let go or move on." He insisted to himself not to make light of her feelings or the situation that had caused them, something he may have done as her partner but not her support. "We can begin by narrowing down your anger, the resentment and refocusing. Being mad at all of Bajor will not get you far." His eyes showed his sympathy.

"We cannot change the things we have no control over. In your heart and mind, you know the Prophets, their plans and the people of Bajor and their reaction to outside forces were never in your control." He attempted to break down her argument step by step in order for her to see the bigger picture and her impact, which in reality painted her as a small player.

"As far as how they treated you as their puppet," he looked up for a moment, as if he were looking beyond the cabin to the Celestial Temple itself, "I am also mad at them. They hurt you. They took our friends." He shook his head, "Someone once told me 'they' only challenge us with something if 'they' believe we can handle it. Feels like judgmental bullshit if you ask me. No one, not even the Prophets, can possibly know the full extent of what we are capable of handling." His sageness was showing, as was his disdain.

"You feel it too don't you, the lack of absolute faith that we once carried. Perhaps we held them too highly?" She changed to a more introspective tone after his words. "Perhaps the teachings have been skewed all these years to treat them more like Gods and less like the beings of a higher race that we now know them to be. It's hard to go and change things against years of rhetoric." She flopped back against the couch and let her gaze fall on the fire. "What if there really isn't such thing as the Celestial Temple and if it's all just another plane or reality? Either way I certainly hope they'll just leave us the hell alone for a while"

"Yes, and no. I feel my faith has shifted to one of family. It's still there, just no longer absolute." He stopped and pondered for a moment before adding, "Someone once said, 'Here lies a toppled Prophet. His fall was not a small one. We did but build his pedestal, A narrow and a tall one.' Bajorans, once looked to the night sky and there in the darkness, they found a light, different, brighter than any star. We created lore, stories and meaning. It was us who created the pedestal upon which we placed our hopes, our dreams, and our fears."

"Eventually we found the orbs, what were labeled as tears of the Prophets. They provided proof behind the mysticism. We began to see the stories as historical fact and we painted 'Them' in our own image. Still what 'They' are really doesn't matter anymore, so much as how we see them. And only recently have we begun to see them in a different light. One more grounded in reality, so to speak."

He shifted, turning his approach back to Rhen and her current state of feeling. "Tell me, what was the original driving force that made you want to leave Bajor and join up with Starfleet? Did it have anything to do with the loss or your parents, or your brother?" He was digging deep to discover if she had deep-seated insecurities, something she would have had to divulge for her entrance exam into Starfleet. Loss, especially of close loved ones, could drive a person to extreme measures. Eventually, the act of running from your pain would lead back around. One simply cannot run forever.

There was a ghost of fear that clouded her eyes for an instant before vanishing behind a somewhat tortured expression. "There was too much death here. Too much pain and loss. Everyone I loved was dead, and I thought that somehow I must have been responsible for it. I joined the Militia when the Cardassians left, then got on an exchange program with Starfleet. They took pity on the plight of Bajorans and would 'overlook' certain things. I guess I was their guinea pig, their poster girl almost. The 'look at us we're helping the poor Bajorans better themselves'."

It had been a hard period of her life, forcing a strength and determination that only comes from hardship and adversity. She had used the eagerness of Starfleet to her advantage, allowing it to take her away from her broken life and faltering homework. At the time it suited her just fine to never see Bajor again, to never face the hurt that was buried there. In later years she'd felt the pull of invisible strings to return and make her peace with the past. Instead, they'd either found the country on fire, or their friends being murdered, or in a religious civil war.

"Essentially, you ran, and like most refugees or runaways, Starfleet welcomed you with open arms." He studied her expressions for a moment wondering how deep he should dive or if he were treading upon shaking ground. "Do you hold any regrets about making a new home among the stars? And before you answer," He showed his hand to indicate he was being kind. "I wouldn't be a good counselor if I didn't want you to be honest about everything, including me and Patina." The conversation, as it often did when you console someone close, could potentially turn personal.

"It gives me purpose, and a reason to get out of bed other than hating the Cardassians and living a life in the past. I've found you, and now we have Patina, but in the crew I also have a sense of family, but who's fate I can control, within reason of course" she added quickly. They had seen a lot of friends die over the decades in the stars, but they hadn't been in vain, and always for a greater cause.

"Purpose is a good thing, as is control, though truly an illusion. You have purpose and some semblance of control, but I believe you danced around the real question. Do you hold any regrets about the choices you've made in life that have lead you up to this point?" It was an effort to bring her back around in an effort to understand her past choices versus what was making her feel uncertainty, fear, and vulnerability in herself.

"Damm it, you're gonna make me answer it aren't you?" She looked down sheepishly, not used to being on the receiving end of Remal in full counselling mode. "I could never have stayed here. So, yes, I am glad we made our home in the stars. It's given us so much opportunity. It led me to you, and I wouldn't give that up for anything." She raised her chin to meet his eyes, a myriad of emotions visible across her face.

He returned her look, sorrow filling her eyes. Together, they now understood what was driving her away from Bajor. In time they would come to accept and be able to move on. It was a breakthrough, albeit a small one. He stood up and slowly moved to the couch and sat beside her, wrapping his large loving arms around her shoulders. "I for one am happy with the choices you've made. I have few regrets though nothing worthy of mention."

He continued after a pause, "You know, each of has the capacity for self-doubt and uncertainty. Just look at Bonnie, she wears hers right out there on her sleeves. We wouldn't be who we are if we went through our lives with remorse. Your decisions in life have made you who you are today, the good, and the bad. You also wouldn't be a good Captain if you allowed your past choices to deter you from making better ones in the future. I mean, save crashing a ship or two." He joked mildly.

"Meh, if you haven't crashed a ship, are you even in space?" Sheblqughed to lighten the mood in response to his quip. Her expression turned sombre again. "And the feeling of a puppet on a string? Dealing with visions that get shoved into my brain whenever they feel like steering the future to their liking?" It was an unfair question and she knew it.

"The Prophets can guide us, but we can choose our own path, no matter how much they try to influence us. It will be the same for Patina, you can bet your sweet caboose we will teach her to follow her heart and know what is right from wrong." As if Patina heard her name they heard her make a coo-ing noise from her bassinet. Not awake, it was enough for them to stop and listen, just in case.

There was nothing like the instant silence brought on by thr rousing of a newborn. Everything stopped, immediately. Rhenora even held her breath, a new habit she'd developed as Patina learned that sleep was a temporary thing. Silence fell from the bassinet and after a few moments she dared to breathe again.

"She damned well will know what's right from wrong. And with Patin up in the Temple, they better play by the rules." There was a wry smile. Patin had chosen to sacrifice her mortal life for a number of reasons. Keeping Patina safe was one of them, safe from the Prophets as much as possible.

"So, what you're saying is, we chose our companions well. Patin was never a sheep to be led astray, but also not a shepherd either." He was grasping at the right phrasing for how they saw Patin. "I suppose she would be the one to take the stray lamb and cook it up in a flambe as a lesson to the other sheep."

" Goodness help them if they start to meddle again" Rhenora had calmed and was laughing off the previous tension.
" Did I ever mention you are very good at your job? I pity those that you work with, they have no choice but to see wisdom and guidance despite how they may try to avoid it"

"Hmm, keep talking like that and you will make it difficult to stay humble. Besides," He squeezed her tighter, "Don't you know flattery will get you everywhere." He then leaned in and nuzzled her cheek with his ridges before letting her go from his grasp. "By the stars, I almost forgot. The Solstice parade is in town this evening. Do you wanna go?"

"Sounds wonderful" Rhenora mused as she looked out at the sinking sun as it neared the horizon. "We should get moving then"
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