Aftermath

Posted on Thu Mar 3rd, 2022 @ 5:28pm by Lieutenant Commander Bonnie "Bon-Bon" Durnell & Commander Dean House

Mission: *CD*
Location: Quarters
Timeline: Before arrival at the Nebula

"Are you okay, Bonnie? I can leave if you like." Dean didn't let go of her though as long as she was glomped onto him. "I'd rather not. I know you may want to be alone, but you need someone for support and I'm here for you in any capacity you need."

Her tears flowed freely into his uniform, but she didn't care. Her mind was elsewhere and she was just happy someone was there that she was familiar with and not alone. After a few minutes of crying, she pulled away from his warmth and wiped her gooey face into her sleeve. "Thanks, I didn't mean... I don't know what came over me. It's just... he was everything to me, you know?" She scooched towards the edge of the bed like she was about to stand.

Obviously, that was a no. He of course didn't mind that his uniform was getting wet. That was the least of his worries to be honest. "Always, Bonnie. You know that. I also know exactly how it feels. Without it just being a line. You know I've been through this too." Clearing his throat and giving a curious look as she scooched away. "We'll be fine if you want to go home. I'll go with you if you want so you don't have to be alone for the funeral or, whatever way that will be done."

She stared out into the vast sea of stars, the sheer relative distance between herself and the place she called home. Her body nodded her head in agreement to his idea of coming along, but her mind was elsewhere. She knew a shuttle or runabout would take weeks to reach Earth. The most desperately wanted to be there, to see him off. And she knew she would have to spend time managing his affairs, not a place for Dean to have to be. They would of course cryo-freeze the body so time was not imperative but... "...if only there were a faster way?" She whispered to herself.

There was no chance in hell he was going to let her go through this alone. He had to and knew how it almost destroyed him. While it wasn't the same situation, both had the same effect in the end. "There is," because of course he could hear that, even if she didn't want him to. "And you know how to do it. If not, I can mention how."

He was probably thinking the same thing she was. But this didn't stop her from turning to him with bright eyes, "But it's not ready. I still haven't figured out why it implodes 43% of the time. I was expecting some sort of breakthrough that never came and now... now my mind is..." She looked out the window. "...home." She had spent days tinkering with the transwarp calculations knowing the answer was rattling around in her head somewhere.

"Actually close. I was actually thinking Transwarp beaming. Guess what we happen to have in the computers. The full set of the calculations." Giving her a soft smile. "Or at least I do."

She eyed him doubtfully. "That's never been proven, especially across quadrants. We would need a dozen jump point locations and expend a massive amount of power. No, this is not that important for us to risk killing ourselves over." She turned away and towards the window while making sure not to trip on her side table. "No, I can wait until we return to DS9 and then I'll catch a shuttle back to Earth. If I need to spill my tears any further I'll talk to Counselor Aurora like a good officer should do." She was suddenly emotionally cold without any obvious reason.

"And yet we already have one, and while the calculations wouldn't work for a drive, the transport has been proven by Mister Scott."

She rolled her eyes. "Montgomery Scott was a genius, but to my knowledge, the only transwarp formula he ever created was made by his Kelvin timeline alternate. And unless you somehow have managed to cross time and space just for me, I doubt you have the formula. Besides, I'm not asking you to do this. I just need to work out my feelings before I have to go and see him laid to rest. That's all."

"The equations are still there, cause if I'm not mistaken, Spock gave that to the other one right. So we actually have it and had it first." Smiling lightly to her, "You're just as smart also and I'm still going with you."

Finally turning around in resignation that she was not going to shake him or the feelings she was attempting to shirk for the sake of shirking, she responded, "Fine. Maybe it will help to, I don't know, take my mind off of things I guess." She smiled back. It was a fake smile but a passable one. "Thanks again for the target practice, maybe we can do it again sometime." She was standing awkwardly, one hand clasped inside the other which was growing sweaty. Why did part of her just want everyone and everything to just go away?

"You know all I have to do is annoy you and it'll take your mind off of things." Giving a little smirk. Dean gave a bit of a nod. "No one should be alone for these things, though I understand sometimes they also need it. It just depends on when one needs the time alone." Giving a nod as he stood, "We can do it again sometime."

He did a good job of annoying her and it did work to help take her mind off of the inevitable emotion. What she needed was the ability to take her mind and shunt it in the direction of celebrating his life, not mourning his death, but right now that was a stretch she was struggling to make.

She nodded, then seeing he was just standing there, she quickly reached out to hug him and tripped over her own two feet, falling into him. This time, however, there was no falling to the ground, no bumping of heads. Instead, he caught her and he lifted her up, back into a standing position. She pushed her hair behind her ear and looked down and away shyly. "Thanks." she said.

He always annoyed her, wasn't that his job? Also to take care of her, whether she liked it or not. It also wasn't a job either. Just because he wanted to. He knew what loss meant, how it felt. More than she did, not to shroud her loss. It was just different. Reaching to of course catch her. Keeping his hands about her waist. Looking up to lock eyes. Was there a lean, or wasn't there? There was, depending on her, it was either her lips, or just her nose.

It was tender. It was caring. It was simple, just a kiss and nothing more. He had kissed her but more importantly she had allowed it. Despite her reservations. Despite her worries about how it would taste with tears still streaming down her face. Nor about how this simple act would possibly change their friendship or their working relationship. No, this was about him showing that he cared about her well-being and could not possibly represent anything more, right? She thought as she pulled away, the blushing warmth already radiating in her cheeks. "We... Um... We should... You should... Yeah, um you should go and we can... Um ... Work on the transporter later... Okay." She stammered out while making quick but awkward motions with her hands.

The salty taste of her tears didn't even bother him. He wasn't exactly sure, not completely, why he did it in this moment. Regardless of the conflicted feelings he had with her, that probably was not the best time to have done it. It was a little late now however. No physical or emotional objections or hurt feelings with her pulling away. It was pretty warranted. Biting his lip a moment and nodding. "Um..yeah, we should do that. We can talk later while we work on that."

She was standing close to the door so when she gestured it opened. He took the hint. As he walked towards her to leave she reached out to hug him but then sort of froze for a second before retracting her hands. She was sure he noticed so she covered it up be saying, "I'll see you soon. We'll work on the transporter together, okay?" It was a simple sort of symbolism, saying she cared for his idea despite the danger. She waited for one last 'see ya' before she would return to her solumn contemplation about the loss of her father.

Dean was for sure going to leave out. A little surprised at the sudden hug. His eyebrows coming down for a moment, but the confusion lifted as did his eyebrows. Returning the hug warmly. Letting it be held as long as she wanted, and not resisting when she pulled away. "Yeah, we'll do that, Bon-Bon," Either he'd heard it from her Fathers message, or he just came up with it like he'd been doing all the time. Either way, that was the new nickname. Kissing her cheek and stepping into the corridor.

Shock filled her eyes as she watched him walk away until the doors closed. The smile on her face, however, told another story. And as she crossed the room and flopped upon her bed for the night, she was left with a muddled brain. One that danced between death and romance. It was a sad and dangerous place where her mind simply could not fixate on one more the other and therefore sleep was a struggle to find. In the end, hours later, her eyes could not hold themselves open any longer and she passed into a dream state she would struggle to forget.