A Holo Reckoning
Posted on Sun Mar 1st, 2026 @ 10:20am by Lieutenant JG T'Lar
1,356 words; about a 7 minute read
Mission:
Character Development
Location: USS Sunfire
USS Sunfire
Deck 3- Counselor's Suite
Counselor T'Lar's Office
T’Lar spent the rest of the shift doing a deep dive on as much biographical information as she could find on Marie Batel, taking a short break for a lunch of plomeek soup. As her official duty hours wound down she elected to take some time for her own mental health once more.
“Computer, re-activate the Auxiliary Counseling Hologram.”
The ACH appeared instantly, frozen in mid sentence seated where he had been previously. He closed his mouth and gave her a disdainful look.
“Counselor…”
“I apologize Counselor… I shouldn’t have deactivated you so brusquely,” she stated in about as apologetic a tone as one is like to get from a Vulcan.
“Yes. Well, clearly you were having a residual PTSD reaction,” he said compassionately.
“This is true,” she agreed flatly.
“I wonder, Counselor, you mentioned your late fiance’s vre-katra triggered your episode. As I understand from Vulcan spirituality, contact with such items is believed to be able to facilitate communication with the katra of the departed. Is that what happened in this case?” the ACH probed gently.
“Not precisely, no. It is true that some Vulcans have claimed to be able to mind meld with the vre-katra of a loved one, but this is not something I have ever tried to do. I…,” she paused, twirling the Claddagh ring on her left hand as she often did when thinking of Brian, “I was remembering back to when Brian and I met.”
“As I recall, he made quite an impression on you.”
“Yes. I realized there was much he could teach me about human interactions, even without verbal communication. It was clear that he was attracted to me physically and I found him to be aesthetically pleasing to the eye, so I suggested we form a friendship by which I would ‘date’ him and he would help me to understand human psychology.”
“That seems more quid pro quo than the basis of a relationship,” countered the ACH.
T’Lar looked up at the holographic counselor with a raised eyebrow.
“That is precisely what Brian said, however I convinced him that my motives were sincere and that I was open to pursuing the relationship to wherever it might lead, if that were mutually agreeable. In the end he decided to ‘give it a try’ and the following week we had our first date.”
“A pleasant memory?”
“Very. I found his presence intellectually stimulating; his attention creating a conspicuous affinity. I also learned to take physical pleasure in small intimacies such as holding hands and even kissing.”
The ACH smiled.
“It sounds like you were having a lovely moment remembering your relationship.”
“Yes… but it made his absence that much more conspicuous. I began missing him acutely.”
“And then what happened?”
“I remembered the night when we confessed our love for each other,” she said.
“Oh? Vulcan love is something I’d very much like to hear about.” the ACH said with an open countenance and supportive tone.
“Even I at the time was unsure of what ‘love’ meant. I’d been married and divorced on Vulcan, so I understood duty, honor, and affinity, and familiarity. I confessed to him that I was sorry that I could not ‘love’ him the way he loved me. But he told me that for humans love was as much an act of will, or as he put it a verb as much as a noun. By his assertion my commitment to him, reinforced by my acts of intimacy, my being his confidante- all of these things were acts of love. He explained that physical attraction can wane, and emotions can come and go but it is one’s actions towards one’s loved one that reinforce the connection that binds two people together. This resonated with me, and so I told him that if love was an act of will, a commitment, then I wanted him to know that I loved him as well.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more beautiful description, T’Lar. Truly. But your memories did not stop there did they?”
“No,” she said quietly.
“You remembered the attack? The day you lost him?”
“Lost him?”, her tone was almost bitter.
“When he died.”
“I did not lose him.” Her hands trembled and her lip quivered
“T’Lar it was not your fault. You told me he asked for the mind meld so that part of him could live on through his memories,” the ACH said gently.
“Yes but he lost consciousness and I went too deep…” she gasped, scarcely keeping herself from yelling.
“And that is when you believe his katra, his soul was transferred to you?”
“It was transferred to me! I could feel him. All of him! Locked away in the back of my mind. And he was frightened because he did not know what was happening. I could feel his terror and it overwhelmed me.”
“You succumbed to your injuries and were in a coma for 3 days according to your medical records…”
T’Lar reached for a tissue and dabbed at her eyes before blowing her nose and depositing the tissue in the wastepaper basket beside her desk.
“Do you realize what a heretic this makes me in Vulcan eyes? How ostracized I would be if this ever got out? As much as I loved him, having his consciousness in my head was driving me insane. I had no one to confide in or seek help from. As it was I had to perform the vre-katra ritual in secret, and now I have his soul locked away forever in that obsidian effigy.”
“You feel guilt.”
“I do,” she admitted.
“You feel shame.”
“Yes…”
Tears flowed copiously now, silent hot tears, with wracking silent sobs.
“T’Lar… is it logical for you to feel guilt or shame for an accident? If you were counseling someone who came to you with the same situation, the same feelings, what would you say to them?”
T’Lar sniffed, and reached for another tissue to wipe her face.
“I suppose I would counsel them to not blame themselves for something that was not their intention and happened under extremely chaotic and trying circumstances,” she admitted.
The ACH sat silently for a moment.
“I would like you to consider something, T’Lar. I do not suggest this lightly, but you need to make peace with Brian’s katra; whatever that means for you. It could mean meditating and learning to let go of this guilt, or more radically it could involve you leaning into your Vulcan spirituality and actually attempting to commune with his katra via the vre-katra.”
T’Lar looked at him.
“You mean attempt to mind meld with his vre-katra?”
The ACH nodded.
“Precisely. But only if you feel it is necessary for closure. I would try the other measures first and see if they help you eliminate this feeling of guilt and shame. He wanted you to have his memories of your time together so that he could in a sense live on in you. You need to learn to cherish the good memories and in time, hopefully, the pain of that terrible day will diminish. I am not saying that you will ever stop missing him. I’m afraid his absence will be conspicuous as you say, for the rest of your life. But in time the space where he was in your heart will hopefully be filled with your loving memories of your time together.”
“Thank you, Counselor. You have given me a new perspective on my situation. I shall meditate on your recommendations.”
The ACH smiled
“Happy to be of service. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
“No, thank you,” she answered. “Computer, deactivate ACH”
And with that the holographic counselor shimmered away.
T’Lar went to the replicator and replicated a warm moist towel and washed her face with it before returning it to the recycler, then picked up her PADD and headed out the door towards her quarters.
TBC
RSS Feed