Ghosts

Posted on Sun Feb 22nd, 2026 @ 9:51am by Lieutenant JG T'Lar

805 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Character Development
Location: Sunfire

T’Lar’s Personal Quarters- Deck 3

Following her impromptu shift in the Counseling Suite, T’Lar made her way via PADD directions to her assigned quarters. Being a Vulcan meant she appreciated the minimalist and utilitarian design and décor of the space featuring a twin sized bed located under a large window, a computer work station and chair, a replicator, several shelves and a hanging locker for storage along with built in drawers, and of course a heads with full shower and sink. There was a free standing shelving unit as well. In keeping with her Vulcan sensibilities, T’Lar had only a few personal items to arrange on the shelves: a Vulcan meditation kit, an IDIC symbol, and an obsidian bust of her late fiance’ Brian Kernan, carved after the traditional Vulcan vre-katra style.

As she placed the vre-katra reverently on the top shelf of the freestanding shelving unit her mind wandered back to that cold fall day when she had gone for a solitary run on the Academy track, only to be chatted up by the admittedly aesthetically pleasing to the eye upperclassman. She had overcome much already just getting to the Academy- a disagreeable marriage, motherhood, divorce… Being “hit on” was something she was disinterested in to say the least. And yet, Kernan intrigued her, even as she begrudgingly found herself drawn into a conversation about human psychology and his assertion that all human behavior could be boiled down to sex and greed. What intrigued her more was the wink and grin he gave her before he jogged off. She had no context for it. And it vexed her. Smiles she was accustomed to, but the wink seemed to convey something more.

Tracking him down later she confronted him and demanded to know what the wink meant. Rather than tell her, he challenged her to try it herself and see what happened. What happened when she winked and smiled at one of the male cadets shocked her. The man stared, blushed and failed to pay attention to where he was going and walked into a door jamb, breaking his nose.

T’Lar came back to herself as the reverie faded.

That was when I realized how much you had to teach me. She thought

The ache that was absence deep within her asserted itself. The physical scars having healed, the psychic and emotional scars of losing Brian remained. For a moment she worried the claddagh ring on her left hand; the ring that she’d never taken off since the day he gave it to her. It had been Christmas, and they were at his parent’s chalet in the Sierras. She remembered his confession of love that day. She’d felt great affinity for his presence in her life and expressed regret that she could not “feel” love for him in the same way he did for her. He had countered that she had been showing love for him for months by her commitment to him, and to their relationship; and that love is just as much an act of will as it is an emotion. This resonated deeply with her and she realized the truth of it, affirming to him that if love was an act of will, then she loved him as well.

I miss you so much.

It was a common misconception that Vulcans do not have emotions. Even now, the memory of that declaration stirred something deep within her, and the pain of his loss made its presence felt conspicuously. It had been a while since she’d allowed the memories to resurface. The day she lost him had been so much like any other day. One minute she and Brian were having lunch together in the Cadet Student Union building and the next they were both buried in the rubble following the Breen attack on Starfleet.

Stop.

She had come to to find herself injured but able to extricate herself from the wreckage. Brian, however was pinned under a large beam and gravely wounded.

STOP!

He had lain there struggling to breathe. She tried in vain to lift the beam. She was distraught at the thought of losing him.

“STOP!”, T’Lar cried out, slamming her clenched fists into her thighs, gnashing her teeth in agony.

The memories abated. Hands trembling, with tears streaming down her face she went to the heads and washed her face; slowly but surely reasserting control over her emotions. Most nights she waited til just before bed to meditate. She hadn’t even had dinner yet. But this was an emergency. She sat down and arranged the various items according to custom and began her mental incantations.

Ishtava kulah, Vestal ma etak J’Kah.

Ozhika nam-tor wuh palikaya t' kau...

 

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